Today, I should be running the Boston Marathon. Instead, it’s just another Monday.

How are you feeling about it? my husband asked.

I’m fine. I replied, while scrolling through photos of friends who were sharing their pictures from the weekend in Boston on social media.

I’ve had a long time to come to terms with it. I said.

And that’s partially true.

For those of you who haven’t been playing along at home, here’s the quick rundown to bring you up to speed:

• I qualified for today’s Boston Marathon at the Chicago Marathon in October 2014. You can read about my BQ day here. My “perfect day” goal was to run 3:34:XX, and I ran 3:34:06. It was an amazing day, and I felt on top of the world after that race. In my head, I’d already booked my ticket to Boston and couldn’t wait to be there with many dear friends to experience a piece of running history.
• After the Chicago Marathon, I had some time to come back town to reality a bit. I looked up the qualifying cut-off times from the past two years, which required more than 54 seconds under your qualifying time to make the cut. With increased popularity and attention on the Boston Marathon, I knew 54 seconds would likely not be enough of a cushion.
• And it was not. I felt sad the day I learned it wasn’t enough for me to just qualify for Boston. The harsh reality was that I needed to run 3 minutes and 38 seconds faster than my qualifying time to seal the deal. I knew that news was coming, but I was disappointed nonetheless. Tears shed.
• After qualifying, getting denied and coming to terms with it, I then got a second chance to run the Boston Marathon and get paid to do it. Of course, I turned it down. Queue all the emotions again.
• And here we are today.

Like I told my husband, I’ve had a long time to come to the terms with it. I’m at peace. I’m sad that I’m not there, but perhaps the past year would not have allowed me to fully enjoy the experience. Training hard during a year of change and stress … building a house, moving, acclimating to a very hot climate, heavy work demands … may not have brought the same joy. I will never know for sure.

What I do know for sure is that I plan to train really hard again and re-qualify with my same sub-3:35 qualifying standard even though I have officially “aged up” and now have five more minutes in the bank. I’m not sure when that will be, but I am going to do it again when the time is right.

Until then, today is just Monday. I’ll be wearing blue and yellow in my home office as I watch the live stream and cheer on many dear friends who will make big dreams come true in Boston. I’ll remember how sweet that day in Chicago was, and I’ll look forward to exciting things I know are waiting for another Monday.

How are you spending your Monday?