Running as a Couple When You Don’t Run the Same Paces
Today is my seven-year wedding anniversary and quite possibly one of my favorite days of the year.
My husband Mr. rUnladylike is my number one partner in life. We are the best team … well, that is, except for when it comes to running as a couple.
Here’s what our typical conversation and subsequent run look like:
Mr. rUnladylike: Let’s go for a run.
Me: I don’t want to run with you.
Mr. rUnladylike: C’mon, I need you and we need to motivate each other. It will be fun. C’mon.
Me: Ok, but I need to run slower today.
Mr. rUnladylike: That’s fine, I’ll run with you.
The run begins.
After about 5 minutes, he is 200-400 meters ahead of me, does not stop at stoplights to wait nor does he shout back if a road crossing is clear. He is dancing to his music while I struggle through a tough mile feeling like death. He’s singing along to songs like it is the easiest run in the world at a 7:30/mile pace.
The run ends with him waiting for me to return in the driveway.
Mr. rUnladylike: See, that was great. I felt awesome.
Me (still huffing from just finishing and struggling a bit through the run): I don’t know why you insist on running together when we just run on our own.
Mr. rUnladylike: We helped each other. I needed you.
Me: Whatever. This is why I hate running with you.
Fitness and exercise have always been important to both of us. Our days don’t feel complete without a good sweat. However, running as a couple doesn’t often happen. He has one speed: fast-ish. His easy pace is closer to my tempo pace, and he doesn’t run enough to need to do recovery runs nor does he typically run more than 3-6 miles at a time. My running goals have always been focused on longer distance races, requiring more running days each week with specific workouts and paces based on the purpose of the day. In other words, we suck at being running partners.
For all you couples out there with a partner who runs a different pace, here are seven tips to help you survive running as a couple without getting frustrated with each other.
7 Strategies to Survive Running as a Couple When One Partner is Faster Than the Other
1. Start together for motivation, but run your own workout. This strategy seems to work best for my husband and me. You can push each other to get out the door and stay accountable by starting at the same time, but come mentally prepared to run your own workout and be OK with that. Perhaps agree to run your warm-up together at the same pace and separate from there. At the end of the run, you can come back together for breakfast or dinner, depending on the time of your workout.
2. Sign up for the same race so you’re working toward the same goal. When two people run different paces across the board, training together isn’t often realistic. Feel that sense of togetherness by signing up for the same race. You can connect on how you are feeling during training and build toward the same goal without having to run all your workouts together. It still brings a running bond without having to actually run together. Mr. rUnladylike and I have done this for numerous 5Ks and 10Ks. The below race is my current 10K PR. Mr. rUnladylike ran about a minute or so faster than me, but we were both able to celebrate in excitement with breakfast following a fun morning.
3. Schedule runs together that compliment your strengths and realities. The best way to successfully run together is to identify where similar paces may be possible. For instance, the best way for Mr. rUnladylike and me to run is if I need to run a track workout or tempo run. A comfortable run for him would be a tempo run for me, and we are very similar on the track when running 400s, 800s and mile repeats. Find what works for you and your partner and take advantage of those days. Consider rearranging your training schedule to find runs that will match your abilities.
4. Put your partner first. Sometimes, one of you needs to stop being a selfish jerk and just run with the slower partner. Must you always run so far ahead or look like you’re running in place when the other is running slower but giving it all he or she has got? Sometimes it’s nice to just be outside together. There are times when you can sacrifice your own workout to be with someone you care about who is working hard in theirs.
5. Find something you both enjoy that doesn’t create frustration or competition. Although I don’t always enjoy running with Mr. rUnladylike, I LOVE doing my cross training with him. From spin classes to lifting weights to workouts like Orangetheory and boot camp, we always have the best time when we’re cross training together because we’re at our own pace/weights but still doing it together. Find alternative workouts you both enjoy to do together to enhance your running.
6. Use your time apart as me-time. If running together just isn’t creating the joy that running should bring, use your time apart to enjoy your miles with good friends. When I’m training for a goal race, I meet great running friends several times a week to run, which is our time to catch up, chat and typically grab coffee or breakfast after. I use this as a nice social outlet to connect with runners I care about and spend time with good friends.
7. Know when to call it. Simply accept that one of you may just want to run alone. Respect that. Use some of the other strategies above to find different ways to connect when it comes to running.
Want more tips on running and relationships? Find them here.
Do you and your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend or other partner run together? Are you ever challenged by running at different paces? What additional strategies would you suggest for successfully running as a couple?
Comments
My husband and I ran together exactly once. He did exactly one 5k and we almost never workout together. We are amazing life partners but we just cannot train together. Over the years I have completely accepted it and, I don’t have to worry about his workout schedule effecting mine 🙂
Dave and I have this struggle sometimes! He will often come on a day he wants to do a more recovery run that’s slower or we will do the first part of our run together and he then finishes his on his own to go faster. We did however go on a long run yesterday and I wouldn’t have been able to finish it without him. He went ahead a bit but came back to run with me when he could tell from my breathing and expressions that it was a tough day.
I actually even had a struggle with a recent running friend. We both signed up for Philly marathon. She’s a bit more ambitious than me and running faster and more mileage so as much as I wanted to run with her I had to tell her I just have to run on my own. It’s not worth me risking getting injured again on my first marathon back and I don’t want to make her training suffer when she’s trying to BQ.
My husband was the runner first, though he never raced much until after I made him join a running club with me. Now he races a ton and is really involved in the club! He is much faster than me. We do family runs together where he pushed the stroller and sometimes we will cool down together after a race. Other than that we just keep each other accountable and support each other.
My husband and I both run, but not together (unless we run with our daughter.) My pace is much faster than his and if I run with him I end up running on my own after about .5 mile or I try and talk while running (he hates that!).
We did run our first half marathon together- in that it was the same race, but different corrals and paces. It was hard for us to run the same race and find someone to stay with our daughter early in the morning. Now we will run 5ks for her school together. I love when we run as a family!
We are very supportive of each other and encourage the other when we are in a slump. We make a good team as long as we don’t try and run together! 😉
we don’t match as runners. he is full speed or nothing at all. he can*t understand at all why one can run so slow. (I can’t understand why he tortures himself so often)
I stopped running with him for the sake of an ongoing marriage…
but… we love hiking together in the mountains, same pace – same pleasure
Happy anniversary! My husband and I run together sometimes and we’ve found we have to schedule it – since he runs slower than I do, we do an easy run together and talk about ahead of time if I’m going to be adding on more miles afterward. We do well strength training and hiking together!
Ha ha! Love this post as it rings true for my husband and I. He never runs more than 3-6 miles except when training for a half marathon one time a year. He does not run with a garmin, all of his runs are super fast (7:30), and he always offers to run with me to take it easy (and then he’ll run backwards facing me or run ahead and sprint back to me). But he loves spending time together so I don’t complain, although usually I run alone!
I have an idea … our husbands should be running partners. Ha! Sounds like they are perfect for each other. xoxo
My wife is a walker and never runs, so that makes it easier. I do walk once or twice a month with her (usually just a mile), but I have to admit it is just too boring. The walk……not my wife.
Never said congrats on running for two now also. And however long your labor takes, it will be a new PR !!!
My wife and I run together, I am faster but we almost always train together.
In races I go my own speed but without her I probably would have never started running. We are both competitive but our focus is on being fit and having fun. Also I like to run with her to make sure she remains safe, this world is way too crazy nowadays.
My ex boyfriend and I used to run together. He was faster so he would run fartleks by running ahead and then turning around and running back to me. We would run together for awhile (easy for him, moderate/hard for me) and then he would go again. It worked out well for us!