What Finally Made Me Think Differently about My Body
I love the way I look. I’m happy with my weight. My body is perfect just the way it is.
Like many women, when I look at myself in the mirror, this is not often what I’m thinking. My self-talk is generally focused on the “if onlys” – if only my arms looked a little more muscular, if only my stomach was slightly flatter, if only I could lose four pounds – then I would feel that way. Then I would have the body I’d be satisfied with.
The truth is, I’ve spent my entire life at a healthy weight. I’ve never experienced a weight loss journey that many women I know and love have struggled with. I’ve never battled an eating disorder. I’ve enjoyed exercise since I was a little girl. I’ve consistently been passionate about health and fitness.
So, shut the hell up, right?
But it’s not that easy. Most of us as women often strive for excellence and perfection in all aspects of our lives, including our bodies – even if we don’t realize we’re already great the way we are. Or, if and when we do need to make changes to be healthier, we often miss the things that are great about ourselves because we’re so busy focusing on the negative. No matter who we are or how short, tall, thin, heavy or beautiful we may be, many of us believe we’ll be satisfied with our bodies “if only” we could change this or that.
During the past few months, I’ve experienced a powerful revelation about my personal body image. It took getting pregnant to realize that I really liked the body I had for the 34 years before starting to grow a little human inside me. I was recently scrolling through photos of myself from before getting pregnant. I found myself shocked at how I felt. There were no “if onlys” I could summon up. I thought I looked great. I was happy with my body. Why had I constantly been nitpicking at what had always been a strong, healthy version of myself?
It took me gaining 20 pounds (I will likely gain 35 pounds by the time this little nugget emerges in January) from a little baby swimming around inside my stomach to realize this. While I wish I could say I’ve only gained weight in my belly and boobs, it has come under my arms, on my sides (hello love handles) and on my thighs (I’ve had more leg chaffing than I’ve ever experienced during the past two months). My clothes that once fit comfortably and sometimes even loosely now look like I’m trying to wear baby clothes. I’m so grateful that my sweet baby is growing and is, by all accounts, getting healthy and strong. Her presence and her gift of extra weight have made me see myself in a whole different way – a very important way that is critical to pass on to all the young women and girls in our lives.
Before big life experiences like pregnancy and motherhood, many of us think we know how we are going to feel or react until we do. This has been one of those unexpected perspectives that I’m very grateful for. It’s one I will continue to hold onto as I reignite my running and training next year.
Have you ever experienced an interesting revelation about your personal body image? If you’ve ever been pregnant how did that affect the way you viewed your body or fitness?
Comments
I am currently 38 weeks pregnant with my first (also a girl) and I literally had the exact same reaction when I was looking back at old race pics. The only difference is that I have always struggled with my body image and have always wanted to “just lose 10 lbs”. It’s taken being pregnant and seeing some pretty crazy changes to my body to make me look at old pictures and realize that I was healthy and looked just fine! I know it will continue to be a struggle for me, but I am determined to set a good example for this little girl and not conflate my looks with my overall value as a person. Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and here’s to strong moms setting good examples for our little ones!!
OMG Jesica I went though this exact thing when I became pregnant with the boys! I would look at pictures from certain events, remember how unfavorably I was thinking about my body, but then looking back and thinking I looked fantastic! I gained 42 pounds with the twins and I was as grateful as you are for the baby weight but I was more grateful for showing me that I’m beautiful no matter what and to appreciate the body I have when I have it. Love this. Love you! xo
I love this post Jesica! Unfortunately it is true that almost every woman I know isn’t happy with her body, even those who are very fit and healthy! I too changed my body image for the better with my second pregnancy, as I gained 40 pounds with twins! But I carried my boys to full term (36 weeks). Although I have loose skin around that belly and will never have flat abs, or even semi flat abs, I am grateful for the rolls as it all came from delivering healthy, full term twins! I think I also changed my mind set as my daughter, who is now 11, has grown through the years and is already commenting about how she is fat. It makes me so sad to hear young girls worry about this already, so I try to show her that your body is not all that matters. I make sure to splurge on ice cream with her, while reminding her that we can splurge on anything as long as it is in moderation. I think young girls pick up on these things from their moms more than we know. In any event, I am so glad you are already setting a wonderful example for your little one!
Girl just wait until you birth that baby! Then you’ll have even more respect for your body and what it can do!
Great post! I have a three year old daughter (and 13 weeks pregnant now) and when i got pregnant I had just done an Ironman only a few weeks before. Being pregnant gave me so much more appreciation for being female and the gift our bodies and biology really are. I remember being so floored at how my body responded to being pregnant. It’s incredible how it does without any help or prompting. I’ve spent my adult years training for marathons and triathlons. I knew I was capable of incredible things when I pushed it but this did not require my mind to tell it to do anything. Really amazing. Same with breastfeeding – something that kind of freaked me out was really this amazing thing to do.
Gaining weight while pregnant was kind of a wake up call. I gained only 25-30 pounds with each child but never really appreciated my ‘normal’ body before that. I remember after having my first son and seeing myself in the mirror after a couple weeks I thought “wow!! Were my legs always that skinny?” That really made me think. How long had I had a skewed self image? How did this happen? And what could I do to prevent from having it. While pregnant I was just very amazed at how many things I could do and learn to love about myself. It is easy to fall into that mind trap of negativity and pregnancy can really haunt some women that already have weight issues (worries/obsessions) but I found it humbling and amazing all at once!!
Great post, Jes! I can’t completely relate since I don’t have kids yet, but I still relate to the experience of looking back on photos and wondering why I was so hard on myself. My doctor and I have already talked about how I will probably need to gain a bit of weight to get pregnant someday (just like my mom had to do with me), but I know it will be worth if for that gift. I hope your pregnancy continues to go well over the next few months until you get to welcome Baby Runladylike!
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. I had the best plans to get back to my goal weight before I got pregnant…but that didn’t happen and I was already overweight when I got pregnant.
Now that I have the little man and am working on weight loss – I am surprised that I’m more focused on wanting to have energy and be fit to do things with him as he grows up. I’m more focused on building my running back up so I can work out any frustration and be patient-zen-mom as he grows. Do I want to look good? Sure, but that is suddenly at the very bottom of my priority list.
I totally agree! When I was pregnant I looked back on photos that I remember once thinking I was a little heavier than normal in and thinking that I looked amazing! We are all too hard on ourselves. Pregnancy really makes you realize how incredible our bodies are!
Such a great post! Like you, I never had a weight issues yet I agree that every woman finds the flaws in herself. Pregnancy (and motherhood) definitely shift that perspective for the better…especially when there are little ones watching your every move!