Last month, I stepped on the scale and stared at the number glowing back at me. I got off and then got back on again to make sure it wasn’t broken. I hadn’t seen that number since before I was pregnant. It was the old me physically, even though I’m not the old me. I’ve never measured my growth or success or worth by any number on the scale, and I’m not about to start now. But it was an inflection point in my journey. A small little reminder that I’m strong and getting stronger. That we can go through a lot of physical and mental challenges and still claw our way back to the best version of ourselves, whatever that may be at various stages in our lives.

I have no transformation photos to share with you; only baby pictures and photos of my running shoes and sunrises from early morning workouts. But it isn’t about that. When I first started sharing my postpartum progress, every few weeks I’d show side-by-side photos to mark the physical shrinking over time (read my most recent update from six months postpartum). I was looking forward to this moment when I’d get to say I’d found my way back. Ironically, it turns out that the real transformation has happened in my head and in my heart. Yes, it has radiated to the outside too (which helps for fitting into all my clothes again), but the real pride and strength is in a place you’ll never be able to see with your eyes. For so many years, I’d look in the mirror and see all the things that could or should be different or better. Today, I feel the opposite. Today, I’m freaking proud of myself. I’m completely imperfect. I make plenty of poor choices. But I make amazing choices, too. I balance reality and discipline so they both get to win on the right days. That’s all we can really do, right?

The past month has brought many changes. Baby rUnladylike turned nine months old, officially being on this side of the Earth longer than she was on the inside. My running has improved, my weekly mileage has crept up and my paces have quickened slightly. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching related to my passions and my purpose and am getting closer to turning questions into answers. My old clothes fit the way they used to many moons ago. I’ve become an expert at singing all children’s songs, doing goofy kitchen dances and reciting bedtime stories by heart. It has seemed like a long time and also like the past nine months (plus the nine months before these) have happened in just a blink of an eye. I know I’ll be saying that for the rest of my life.

In two and a half weeks, I’ll be heading to New Hampshire to run my first postpartum half marathon. I’ll share more about my expectations and goals soon, but in the meantime, here’s what my past week of training looked like:

• Monday: REST
• Tuesday: 1-hour of circuit training alternating speed work on the treadmill with strength training at the end of my work day (1.5 miles running)
• Wednesday: 5.2-mile run at 6 a.m.
• Thursday: 1-hour strength training at barre at 5:45 a.m.
• Friday: 13 miles at 5:30 a.m. + walked 8 miles around Disney afterwards
• Saturday: REST + 60-minute massage
• Sunday: 4-mile run on the treadmill with 3 x 5 minutes at 5K pace with 3 minutes of recovery jogging between each

To find daily updates of my journey, be sure to follow me on Instagram where I share more frequently throughout the week.

What is new in your life? If you’ve been training for a fall race, tell me about it! If you have any questions you want me to answer or topics you’d like me to address in a future post, please share your thoughts and feedback!