“Running in races doesn’t have to be about racing,” said my good friend Elizabeth as we sat together in a small patch of sunlight waiting for the Deadwood Mickelson Trail Half Marathon to begin. “Races can be about loving to run and traveling and experiencing amazing things.”

Her wise words were, of course, true. And she should know. In less than two hours from that moment, she would be able to say she had run a marathon or half marathon in all 50 states — the very reason I was in Deadwood, South Dakota, to run and celebrate. Alas, it has never been easy for me to stand at a starting line and not expect to give my very best.

Although I was in tip-top shape just two months prior, I found myself about to run 13.1 miles undertrained and underprepared. The course was perfect for a personal best — mostly flat or downhill on hard packed gravel that eased the strain on joints. I was secretly cursing myself for not keeping up my dedicated training given the stunning and fast course. Although we were starting above 6,000 feet of elevation, I was hoping the downhill portions and lack of expectations would magically propel me to maintain a 7:30-7:45/mile pace, or at least keep up with my friend so we could finish together.

As it turned out, I loved everything about this race and the experience … expect for the way I felt and the thoughts that were buzzing around in my brain. I came to South Dakota with some questions about what I currently want from running. I definitely walked away with answers, which makes it a successful racce, even if I had to struggle my way to the finish.

Racing for Answers

We lined up in the 7:00-8:00/mile area of the starting corral and eased our way into the first mile. Despite the downhill course, the first half mile was uphill. Being at elevation and on a gradual incline, my lungs were a little annoyed. We hit the first mile around 7:53. Although it didn’t feel “easy,” I decided I’d be thrilled if I could just maintain that pace. Our next miles were 7:44, 7:38, 7:46 and then 7:54. None of them felt smooth or strong to me. While Elizabeth seemed effortless, I felt like I was trying to pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time … breathing and running at that pace felt overly challenging.

At the aid station at mile 5, my body decided it was out of gas. I started to slowly trail behind Elizabeth. There was a gradual hill during miles 6 and 7 where I finally lost sight of her. It was as if my legs could barely move. I walked once or twice to regain my breath, knowing a downhill section was coming soon. Miles 6 and 7 were 8:52 and 9:21.

Mile 8 delivered a nice downhill where I regained some of my lung capacity and momentum. 7:58

I spent the next 45 minutes just trying to hold on. The scenary around me was beautiful and the trail beneath my feet was soft and easy on my body. I knew I was running on one of the most beautiful courses I’d had the pleasure to be on, but my heart and head were focused only on survival.

8:14, 8:43, 8:26, 9:04, 8:06

During mile 11 or 12, I told myself that if I could just get to the finish line, I’d never have to run a race again. I actually took another walk break a mile away from the finish. That’s when I knew I’d found the answers I’d been seeking. It was time to do more of what Elizabeth talked about at the start.

I finally crossed the finish line in 1:48:26 (8:16/mile), feeling a little exhausted and defeated but grateful to have been there to see my dear friend accomplish an eight-year journey to conquer a half or full marathon in every state.

Memories Beyond the Miles

While my time on the clock didn’t signal what I am capable of, it did suggest where my heart is currently at with running. I need something different from running than racing and maximizing performance right now. I just need it to be a friendly companion, a shoulder to lean on, a constant that’s there when I need it and ok when I’m not. My friend Natalie recently wrote about her running journey on Instagram, sharing how long she stepped away from training for big goals after having her three children. She has since run a 3:11 marathon and continues to get stronger and stronger. She needed something different from running then than she needs now. The spark can be inside us, but sometimes we aren’t ready to light it. I didn’t realize I wanted it to burn softly rather than ignite a fire. I’m starting to accept that I’m ok with that.

Beyond the miles, there were so many amazing memories and moments that would never have happened without this race.

Like experiencing a good friend accomplishing her ultimate goal.

Like being transported to an old Western movie walking through the town of Deadwood and watching reinactments of Wild Bill’s murder.

Like winning $127 on 25-cent slot machines with my mom in our hotel casino. We live on the edge with a $50 limit. Ha!

Like taking my mom to see Mount Rushmore, the top adventure on her life bucket list.

While my race left me wanting more, I would HIGHLY recommend the Deadwood Mickelson Trail Half Marathon and would most certainly run it again. From the pain-free race morning logistics and plentiful porta-potties to the free photos, stunning course, smaller participant field and amenity-rich finish area, this is a must-run race. Stay at the Lodge at Deadwood for good food and entertainment as well as seamless race-day logistics. Eat at the restaurant there as well as the Deadwood Social Club.

Tell me about a race experience you’ve had that enlightened you. What state do you most want to run a race in next?