My brain was working in overdrive during a recent Saturday morning run. As the chatter about everyone’s upcoing races buzzed in my ear, I recognized the distance between me and my fastest running partners was growing. Again.

Running is a physical sport, but almost everything about it is mental. Lately, I’ve been experiencing a new mental battle with my miles. If you’ve read runladylike.com for a while and follow my adventures on Instagram, you’ve probably noticed my running looks different than it used to — low mileage, no races and slow paces. It took the brilliant insights of renowned running coach, mental strategist and athlete Matt Fitzgerald to help me finally understand what I’m experiencing.

Matt recently wrote an article that called the issue of motivation into question. His hypothesis is that perceived motivation problems are often the result of confusing what we want with what we think we should want. When these two things are at odds, motivation can be a challenge. The problem, he says, often goes away when there is no longer a chasm between them.

For so long, my identity and personal goals have been linked to running. Those who know me assume I’m training for a race. Every January, I plan my race schedule and set exciting challenges for myself.

But what happens when there’s no race you want to add to the calendar and no significant goal you want to chase, despite the voice in your head that says you want to train for a half marathon as you watch all your friends keep charging down that path?

If Matt Fitzgerald were here, he would ask one simple question: What do YOU want?

What I think I want (or think I should want) is to train for a half or full marathon: To establish goals, to train hard, to push my body and my mind and to set a strong example for my daughter.

But what I really want is to do those things without training for a race. I find myself putting off runs because I want to go to strength training, spin class or other hard workouts that push me but don’t involve running circles around the neighborhood. I’m enjoying 4-5-mile sunrise runs that are slow while chatting with friends. But the thought of speed work and all the things that have been second nature to me for so long are not filling me up.

It finally dawned on me: One of the reasons I’ve been struggling is because what I really want is at odds with what I think I should want. Matt’s guidance is to take a mental step back from your situation when your motivation appears to be in question and try to separate what you really want from what you think you ought to want. He says the way out of your “blah” state is to let go of what you’d rather not do and embrace what you’d rather do instead.

Obvious? Yes. Easy to do? No.

So, today, I’m not going to tell you how to set goals for the year or how to stay motivated to achieve them. Rather, I’m going to tell you that sometimes it’s OK to embrace where you are. It’s OK to be a runner who just wants to run and not measure your joy or success by a race, medal or finish line. It’s OK to want to lift weights rather than run 10 miles. But, most importantly, it’s important to make sure the goals you set are things you actually want to do and achieve, not milestones you think you should be doing or achieving.

My goals for the year are to be fully present in my life while pushing myself to be my very best self, physically, professionally and purposefully. Whether running a race is part of that is yet to be determined.

Deepening Your Mojo

If you are looking for a jolt of motivation or are still working through the relationship between what you want and what you think you want, here are a few recommendations:

1. Read these articles. Here are some tips and advice I’ve previously shared about staying excited about and engaged with your goals.

Tips for Overcoming a Mental Rut

Turning Motivation into Action

26.2 Running Mantras: A Happy Thought for Every Mile

10 Ways to Push through a Hard Run or Race

How to Beat Negative Self-Talk

2. Get new gear. You know Brooks Running is my go-to brand, and sometimes feeling good in your gear can add a pep in your step. The team there knows I’ve been going through this emotional struggle with my running lately and just sent me some new gear from their spring collection to help me as I find my way. They outfitted me in the Formation Crops, Pick-Up Tank, Distance Long Sleeve and JustRight Racer (I’m wearing three out of four of these items in the photos featured above … the pick-up tank is what I almost exclusively run and race in). I’ve been wearing most of these items for months (and in some cases, years), but new colors and styles do, in fact, get me excited. Try buying a new pair of shoes (use this shoe finder) or outfit yourself in some apparel that makes you feel awesome.

3. Remember your why, and hold onto it. Whatever you choose to set your mind to this year, whether that is training for a big race or focusing on other important life milestones, stay focused on why that is important to you. Why does that mean something? Keep your mantras and inspiration handy when motivation wanes. Stay true to yourself and what you really want. And don’t be afraid to ask yourself, like Matt Fitzgerald asked me (OK, OK, he asked everyone, but a girl can dream …), what do YOU really want?

Happy running, goal-chasing and being true to yourself.

Please Note: I am a Brooks Running Run Happy Ambassador and have been for the past six years. As part of my relationship with Brooks, they send me free products to test each month and a financial stipend I invest back into my running and fitness. While Brooks offers me ideas for content topics from time to time, nothing I ever write or will ever write will be biased or influenced by Brooks or any other company I come into contact with. You only get the real, authentic, unladylike truth here. You’re welcome.

Tell me about your goals for 2019. Can you relate to my current experiences and relationship with running? If so, I’d love to hear about your experience and any advice you might share that you’ve learned.